Metro as Cyclocross

I commute into North East DC every day by Bus and Metro. It takes about 90 minutes from door to door so I have a lot of time to think. Yesterday I came up with why riding the Metro is like racing cyclocross:


Pre-riding the course: Checking your smartphone before you leave the house to guage how the commute is going to be today. Examples can be: good/bad/might as well work from home. One note, regardless of the "course conditions", something will come up and delay your arrival/finish. See Mechanical. 


Barriers: Metro turnstiles. Technique here is crucial otherwise you can cause a major backup. Though "hopping" these barriers is frowned upon and may temporarily limit your ability to upgrade out of Cat 4. 


Hole shot: Getting into or out of any Metro car doors at any time. Extra points for getting a seat. At rush hour. 


Run Up: Escalators. If you ride Metro enough, you'll be walking these. Especially Dupont Circle and Rosalyn. Used for both in and off season training if you run them. Also called "Stairs". 


Race officials: Metro train operators. You can't hear them when the pull into the station, because you're concentrating on your technique to get the hole shot. Just like the starting line in the Masters 35/45 class. Cause you know you'll do well here.  


Cat 4s: Tourists and first time Metro riders. They fall at every start, stop and off camber, and they can't figure out the barriers, therefore ruining your chance at a hole shot. 


Entry fees: SmartTrip card. Lose this and you might as well turn around and go home. 


Fly over: Going from one platform to another across trains. Ex: Metro Center. 


Mud: The detritus left either in the train car or on the station platform. Extra points for your shoes to stick to the floor.   


Pit change: Transferring from Metro to Bus. 


Mechanical: You can get one of these several different ways. The weather can play a crucial role, and if you've picked the wrong setup, your day is done before it even starts. Common mechanicals: AC failure in your train car, in August, at rush hour, and the person standing next to you decides that today is the day to not shower. Awesome. 


Singlespeed: Able to ride an entire Metro line end to end for your daily commute. Ex: Vienna to New Carrolton. Why anyone would subject themselves to singlespeed is beyond me. 


Post race cool down: Getting home and being totally useless the rest of the night. Also unable to relax until you've had several recovery drinks. Preferably with alcohol. Lots and lots of alcohol. The "Not tonight honey I've got a headache" excuse works very well here.